What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
