Do you still have your period?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
