Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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