she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
