im drinking this country out of the recession.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
