I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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