you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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