Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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