Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
