Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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