this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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