I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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