i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
