i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
