So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
