What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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