Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
