My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
