Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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