and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
