Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
