mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize