I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
