dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
