are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
