I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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