I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
