I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
