ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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