Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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