Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
