this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my liver is dry heaving
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
