Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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