At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
