im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
