I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
