Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
