Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
