apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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