I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
