we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
