Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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