did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
