you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
