Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
