Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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