you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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