He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
