There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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