My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
