An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
