I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
