and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
