dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
