I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
