She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
