where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
