You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
