I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have aggressive nipples.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize