she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize