shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
