Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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