I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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