apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
