I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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