Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
