So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My Sexting was not on an AP level
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
