I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
