I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize