Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
