its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
