oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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