it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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