he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
