the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so let's talk penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
