his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
