Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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