There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
