Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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