Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
